A Different Kind of Before and After

My original thought when I started this blog was to post photos of me when I started vs when I finished my first season of Tribe.  I was, to be honest, pretty freaked out about doing that.  I'm not a "selfie" person and while I see great value in those before and afters, I wasn't so sure about plastering pictures of myself in a sports bra and shorts on the internet.  I have them and there are changes in my appearance, but to be honest with you, the changes you can't see are what really matters.

It doesn't matter what I look like.

It doesn't matter that indeed, I see more muscle in my arms and legs.  That my ab muscles are pretty firm and there's the faintest bit of definition there for the first time in my whole life.  I'm proud of this, I worked really hard.  These are side effects of what really matters and why I'm doing this.

Here's what MATTERS...

What matters is that I didn't quit.

That it was hard and there were moments where I thought, "What the hell am I doing?"  But they were moments and my mind was usually so focused on the task at the hand I just didn't have time to doubt or second guess.

What matters is that I made huge progress.

In SIX weeks.  Not six months.  Six weeks ago, I could do maybe ten decent push-ups in a row.  I just did thirty this morning.  The last few were very, very hard but as for a measure of progress, that's pretty good for me.  I'm stronger.  My arms and back and core and legs are all stronger and those muscles will matter more and more as I age.  They will help keep diabetes away and heart disease and help support my joints and keeps things moving the way they're designed to.

What matters is that I met some terrific people.

 Our ages span from early twenties to fifties and we are all from totally different backgrounds.  Yet, this one thing that we have in common is enough.  And that one thing is supporting each other to get to the next level.  That is a rare thing, especially when the years of high school sports and dance classes have long past.

What matters is I shut down The Voice.  Not the annoying  reality show.  I mean that inner voice that tells me I can't, that I shouldn't, that I never have and I never will.

The idea behind Tribe has a lot to do with our minds and The Voice.  Our brains like to tell us to quit.  Its a self preservation mechanism that has helped keep humankind around for so long.  When you are trying to push through a workout or a long run, (or make a career change or get out of a shit relationship), its that voice telling you to quit that often wins when your body is actually capable of much more. When people say someone is "mentally strong" what they're saying is that they shut The Voice down or put it in its place.

This is where your circle of Tribe members come in to play.  They're doing it too, surely you can finish.  They are sweating and grunting and fighting on, so what the hell is my problem?  Its as much psychological as it is physical and when you have nine people and a trainer cheering you on simply by finishing, telling you can do it, you do more than you thought you could.

You see, I know The Voice.

 It kept me in my bed and on my recliner for a decade while I whined about pain and headaches and scarlet red knees and "chronic fatigue."  Its bullshit.  I'm embarrassed for myself.  I wasted ten years of my life.  I would do anything to get those years back, to go hop on a time machine and shake myself and scream, "GET UP!!!  YOU'RE FINE! ITS NOT GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU'RE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!"

The Voice is the same one that told me I was too fat when I was barely 110 pounds.  Its the same Voice that told me I wasn't deserving of happiness.  Whatever it is, we all have The Voice.  Learning to shut that bitch down will change your life.  You shut it down by proving it wrong, by winning one small battle every day, by making one different choice right now.  There are no big changes, just lots of little ones piled up to something spectacular.

What  matters is I outdid myself.  

Six weeks ago I completed a Fitness Test.  On Thursday I did the same test again.  If you pile up all the other things that I described above it shouldn't come as a surprise, but I was a bit shocked at how much I had improved.  I didn't save anything, I didn't pace myself.  I just freaking went for it.  I cut my time down almost in half in some areas, at least two minutes in others.  I lifted heavier weights, I did all the push ups without any modifications and I was jump roping like Ali.  Okay, maybe not Ali, but it sort of all clicked and I flew through those 700 jump ropes almost like Rudy (Rudy can jump rope like Ali, I cannot. Yet.).

I did one hell of a workout Thursday and I put all I had in it.  Whether I finished first or last doesn't matter, what matters is that I did my personal best on that day.  It gave me the confidence to know that at the end of next season, I'll be even stronger inside and out.

And so, there you have my before and after for my first season of Tribe Fit.  Its not as splashy as some photos of strategic selfies in perfect lighting.  I'm not about to get thousands of shares and drop any jaws. I am still a 42 year old mother of four with a full life and a career. I'm not selling anything.  I'm not into this for those reasons.  My before and after photos are for me.  The story of this journey I'm happy to share in hopes that it helps someone write their own.

Get out there.  Find your Tribe and quit wishing for things you need to work for. I promise you, its worth it.

Eat to Perform

I got to a point recently where my weight loss stalled.  No matter what I did, the scale stopped moving.  I don't have a lot of weight to lose anymore, its really more about leaning out and dropping some body fat percentages and gaining lean muscle mass.  This is body re-composition and its flipping difficult and frustrating and one of the most rewarding things I've done.

I reached the point where all my regular tricks stopped working.  It happens.  For the most part, weight loss is as simple as eating less calories than you burn.  Voila!  Scale loses numbers, pants get bigger.  When you add in the desire to build muscle, things get weird.  Muscle needs calories.  A lot of calories.  When you're still trying to lose that bit of fat, this means that you need to be really strategic about burning the fat but building muscle.  I was at a loss to be honest.

Here's the things I tried but didn't work for me (these things might work for you though, its all trial and error):

1. More cardio!  I was doing cardio of some sort 3-4 days per week for thirty minutes.  Cardio sucks.     Honestly, I know its good for me but it took away from the time I could be spending building      
    muscle which is really the cornerstone of good health.

2. Less calories!  I dropped back to 1200 calories daily and promptly became super hungry,
    headachey, grumpy and very tired.  Very. Tired. I was barely making it through my workouts
    which was not a good thing.  I last six days.  It was ugly.

3. Less carbs!  I went super low carb.  Almost ketogenic.  The scale did bump a bit, but I was so
    flipping tired and dizzy all the time I couldn't stick to it.  I lasted three weeks of pure hungry hell         and  lost exactly 1 pound.

4.  Less scales!  Finally, I decided to just forget it and accept that it would just take me ten years to lose 3% body fat or maybe never.  I was really fed up.

So, I needed to get sciencey on this.  I needed something that others in my spot tried and succeeded at. I had been very, very good at losing fat for a long time. And keeping it off.  I kept it simple, I ate when I was hungry, I ate whole foods 90% of the time and I didn't beat myself up over a slice of birthday cake.  I was balanced, I wasn't crazy pants and I was keeping it healthy.  So, what was I doing wrong??

It turns out that when your body gets to a certain body fat percentage (under 25% for women, I'm at approx 23%), it really loves to hoard fat and calories.  Every calorie you eat becomes a prized possession that your fat cells just don't want to let go of. You need to trick it into giving up the goods.

 I discovered Eat to Perform and the Wave Method.  What I liked the most was that you eat A LOT.  You just don't eat a lot everyday.  Rather, you strategically time your calories, what sorts of food you eat according to your workout schedule.

I joined ETP and immediately it made sense to me.  I was able to work directly with one of the administrators who took a lot of my personal information and turned it into a solid eating plan.  I was also told not to workout more than 3-4 days per week at the most.  You see, I'm only on a caloric deficit on days I don't work out, so these are the fat loss days.  Days I do work out, I eat more to fuel the workouts, recovery and muscle building but I'm losing fat on these days.  These are building days.
For the first time in my life I'm tracking macros.  I need to hit a certain amount of protein, fat, carbs every day.  Those macros are different on rest days where I reduce my carb intake and therefore reduce my calories.  Rest days I'm eating 1600 calories.  I

Workout days I'm eating 2,025 calories. I have to eat slow carbs an hour or hour and a half before a workout along with some protein.  This can mean some oatmeal and a hard boiled egg or some peanut butter.  Post workout I need to eat fast carbs. Ripe banana, a pop tart, cookie, something that is going to give my body a big boost for recovery.  Dinner is a lot of protein and with another carb snack before bed.  Adding this many carbs back into my diet was scary.  Adding a scheduled flipping rice krispie treat?!  Its crazy, but it works.

 For someone who forced herself to go to 1200 calories, this is like a gift from the heavens.  I struggle hitting that number and trying to get over 100 grams of protein a day was tough at first.  I'm doing pretty well and its only been two weeks.  I'm sure as heck not hungry.  And I get to snack right before bed!

All of this sounds totally backwards. I know.  After reading the ebooks you get when you sign up and reading the science behind it, it makes a lot of sense.  Not to mention the boatloads of real athletes out there who use this to great success.  From body builders, gymnasts, power lifters, crossfit champions, this is the way they eat.

If I've learned anything this last year its that my body isn't special.  It responds exactly the same way as anyone else's to good food and exercise. We're all made of the same stuff and with time and consistency, my body will eventually look the way I want and do the things I want it to do.  That's not magic, that's hard work and a lot of fun.

A Hard Lesson and Burpees

It seems there is one really big lesson that I refused to learn until about a week and a half ago.  I was sick during my last Tribe class and I decided to power through.  This was a poor decision. I ended up knocking myself down a few pegs and missed an entire week of work and Tribe. A whole week!

The lesson here is that when the sick is in the chest... you stay home.  Head colds?  No big deal. Bronchitis?  Bigger deal.  Almost pneumonia?  Don't be an asshole.

So, there you have it.  The same goes for sore muscles versus an actual injury.  Sore muscles usually feel better after a stretch, injuries go the opposite way.

Listen to your body, give it time to heal or recover or face the obvious consequences of making things worse.

I'm really not that smart am I?  Ugh.

I returned to Tribe on Saturday when I did a makeup class.  I was operating at about 90% so I didn't push it and I honestly didn't think I would finish the workout, but I did! I took my time, drank my water, breathed deeply and just kept checking in on myself.  It was a great workout (they all are) and I even had two other Punishers with me! K.C. and Nick (aka West Side) were there as well and it was pretty awesome to have some familiar faces.

Which brings me to....

Ever since Tribe started, I haven't been to the gym and not run into someone I know.  This sounds silly and maybe not a big deal, but it really is.  There is something very, very cool about walking into a space and someone knowing your name.  It makes the space feel like your space. When I first joined the gym, and I think this is pretty common, you tend to stick to areas you are familiar with. I would assume I was being judged (I wasn't) or gawked at (I wasn't) or just totally out of my element (I wasn't).  If you're a regular at a bar or a restaurant or a coffee shop, you know what it feels like to have someone know your name.  To know a little about you, to appreciate you being there and having a shared goal or a common interest.  It makes going that much easier.  It makes me less likely to want to procrastinate or make some lame excuse why I can't go to the gym.  Knowing people there makes me want to go there.

I can't explain it more simply than... I like those people and I like how I feel when I do the things at the place.  Eloquent stuff right there.

I got to see the White Board with tomorrow's workout on it.  Folks, burpees are on there. One hundred of them.  Fifty to start, fifty to finish.  And double unders (jump rope twice around per one jump) which after trying for way too long today I still cannot do.

Did I mention tomorrow's workout has a hundred burpees?  If you pray, I'll take them.